May 3, 2013.......we got the best news since we were told of Greyson. We were told we would be adopting his biological little sister. Our birth mom is amazing and told us the same way she told us about Greyson. She handed me an ultrasound picture and a pink teddy bear with "Happy Mother's Day" on it. We were so so so excited! Things couldn't have been more perfect. We started the exciting journey of another adoption. We were so happy, this was Greyson's biological little sister. I couldn't wait for them to share that bond. If anyone knows me well enough, they know I am a procrastinator. I like to wait until the last moment to get anything done. I vowed I would not procrastinate on things for her. Paperwork was in the works with the attorney. After many conversations about names, Cody and I agreed on Olivia. I started buying clothing and shoes. I got her clothes washed and hung up in the closet. Things were looking great.....
June 23, 2014........the worst phone call of my life. I pray I never receive such a call again. Our little Olivia had passed away at 34 weeks. Shock....denial.....grief to your very soul were the first emotions felt. I don't know how else to describe those feelings although those words don't do it justice. Our birth mother did everything she could but the Lord felt Olivia needed to be home with Him. I can't really put into words the next few hours, it was mainly running on autopilot. We did what needed to be done in the moment. We went right down to the hospital that evening to be there when our daughter was delivered. We spent some time with our birth mother and left to sleep at a hotel nearby. I lay awake all night praying, begging for a miracle, that the doctors were wrong.
June 24, 2014.......Approximately 11AM, our little Olivia was born. I was just waiting and waiting, praying I would hear a cry. Again, the Lord has His reasons, I know that, but I never heard that cry. She was beautiful. Cookie cutter of Greyson. Same toes....same fingers....same nose. I just held her and didn't want to let go. Our birth mother's family was there. They were able to spend time with her. They gave Cody and I our own room and we were able to take Olivia in there and spend the only moments we would have with her on this Earth. That time was so special to us. We just held her and cried, talked to her, told her of the life we had planned for her, told her about her big brother Greyson and how much we absolutely loved her. How do you put her down knowing that was going to be the last time you hold her? All I know is the strength I prayed for, God gave me in that moment. We drove home in silence. We were exhausted. The only thing that got us home that day was knowing our little boy was waiting for us. Greyson ran to us and hugged us so tight. We just held on to him and thanked the Lord for him.
Our birth family is great. We all agreed we would bring our Olivia home and bury her in Coalville. The next few days were spent doing something I never thought I would have to do for my child. We worked with the mortuary and got everything set up for her graveside service. We held her graveside service on June 28th. It was a beautiful service. A perfect way to say, goodbye for now, Olivia, goodbye for now.
I honestly don't know what to do from here. I pray every night for strength, understanding and energy just to get up the next morning. I am so thankful for Greyson, without him, I have no idea how we would move forward. I have the best husband anyone could ask for. Our families have been supportive and there for anything we need. They helped with planning, cost and things I just couldn't handle in the moment. Our church family has been amazing and helped with dinners and the service. Every one's prayers have been and are very much appreciated. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect birth family to experience this journey with. This wasn't something any of us anticipated or expected but we have had each other to lean on through this journey.
I am relying on my faith in God to get through this. I know there is a purpose and reason to all of this. It doesn't make the heartache and pain any less but I do trust He has a plan. I am going to miss Olivia every day for the rest of my life. There will not be a day I don't think about her. She has a piece of my heart that I will never get back.
This song has been comforting over the past couple of days. Waiting Room - Jonny Diaz.
Olivia,
Our few moments together were no where near enough. We do know that you are safe, happy and with Jesus in this moment. We love you more than words can ever describe and we know we will get to see you again. We will mourn you every day and be thankful for the few moments we did have with you. We miss you and love you.
Love,
Dad and Mom
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